SAFE SEX IN THE CITY

As I was looking over the next week of parties I noticed that four of my favorite ones are all coming up in the next seven days. This is somewhat unusual considering that three of them only occur monthly, but what struck me even more is that, as I was going over my descriptions and own personal thoughts on each of them, I noticed there were two common themes in what I was writing about all four of them. Something that they have in common (which certainly is one of the reasons they are among my favorites) is that there is never a shortage of hot sex going on at these parties. While many other parties have a lot of men either standing around sizing each other up or paring up and heading off in the corner, these parties always seem to have groups of guys fucking around (and I do truly mean FUCKING around, not just jacking or sucking). The other thing they have in common is that they are four of the few safe sex parties in the city that truly take the safe sex part seriously and have no-tolerance policies toward barebacking. Could there be a connection between these two common denominators? There is a comfort level at these parties that you just don’t find at others. I believe that once everyone feels  confident that no one is going to try to slip their unwrapped sausage into anyone else’s ass, it seems to put everyone at ease and allow guys to let go of their inhibitions and really go at it. And that, I think, is the main ingredient to what makes these parties full of hot sex.

The importance of safe sex at parties is not something I hear discussed much, which is unfortunate because I believe it is one of the most important factors in whether you have a hot sexy time that you are glowing about for days after, or you end up walking out with that “ick” feeling suspecting you perhaps lost a little too much of your senses and ended up doing something you may regret later.  

So I believe it is to everyone’s benefit that we are frequently reminded that, as soon as we move from Level 1: one-on-one interaction, to Level 10: playing with large groups of guys, the fun and excitement of the experiences can be greatly multiplied (God knows there is NOTHING like being sucked, fucked, kissed and fondled all at once in a group of hot men), but keep in mind that so is the risk involved, and the larger the group, the more men you fool around with, and the more men they have all fooled around with all within the past hour, the more the risks increase.  So it only makes sense that if you were going to fool around with a group, that you would want to be extra careful about protecting yourself. I know it seems like common sense, but it never ceases to amaze me the amount of unprotected sex that I see going on at some of the sex parties in this city.

One of the things you can do about minimizing risk is to stick with safe-sex parties. It’s not that you are completely risk-free at these parties – as long as you are a sexually active adult there will always be some level or risk involved - but the number of chances for exposure are naturally going to be much lower when everyone is required to wear condoms for fucking. (Remember, even if you may not be barebacking at a non-safe party, you can never be sure where that dick you’re about to put in your mouth has been.)  But condom use aside, there are other ways that I believe you lower your risk by attending safe vs. non-safe parties.  

The following is just a theory of mine, I don’t pretend to have figures to back it up, but I don’t think the following assumptions are too far-fetched: In my experience, I have come to believe that those who attend safe sex parties tend to be guys who are interested in safe sex – not a huge leap of faith, right? - and therefore, are more likely to be interested in their own sexual health. They are more likely to get tested regularly and less likely to be having unprotected sex outside of the parties. Therefore, at least theoretically, they are less likely to be “bringing anything” into the party with them.

Another reason I believe safe sex parties lower your risk is that they are in a somewhat public environment in that you are not alone, and therefore, not as likely to become a “victim” either of someone’s pressure or manipulation, or of your own moments of weakness.  Ever been in this situation? Your chatting with a guy on Adam who swears he’s only into safe sex, you get together with him at his or your place and at the height of passion he tells you how he just got tested, how he is clean and wants to slip in it “just a little” and before you know it you guys are fucking like bunnies bareback. And then after, you realize your lapse of judgment and are running to your doctor begging for PEP. Being in a group of people at a safe sex party where there are eyes everywhere including those of the host makes that scenario much less likely.  

So those are some of the reasons why I’m a big fan of safe sex parties. But unfortunately not all safe sex parties are equal when it comes to safety. There are the REALLY safe sex parties…parties that are safe in the truest sense of the word in that they don’t allow any anal OR oral sex such as NEW YORK JACKS, the MMX Massage parties, and, until recently, the FOOTMENNYC parties (they now allow for “safe” oral and anal play in a separate room). On the other end of the spectrum, there are safe sex parties that are basically “safe” in name only. They claim to be safe sex parties but the rules are not enforced and there is, in fact, plenty of barebacking going on. So how do you know which ones of these parties are what I would call “reliably safe?” Well I believe it all starts with the hosts and here are the ones that I find take the “safe sex” part of their safe sex parties seriously…

The host of PRIVATE PARTY has been running the biggest of the “reliably safe” sex parties for about 18 years now, so whether or not he technically is the forefather of NYC safe sex parties, he truly deserves to be considered one since he has been successful in keeping his party safe all this time. What is particularly impressive about this party is the size of it. The more people one has at a party obviously the harder it is to enforce rules, but the host has been able to keep his party of 70 to 100 or more men bareback-free for all these years. One of the reasons might be the lighting which is generally brighter than most parties (but not so bright as to ruin the mood). It’s just enough to see clearly what is going on and insure that everyone is playing safe.  Another reason may be the screening process which involves first a telephone and then an in-person (in the nude) interview. By the time one has made it through this process, there should be no question in their mind what kind of party this is and what the rules are. And once you have made it through and have been selected, there is a sense that you have become a part of a special exclusive group of like-minded individuals, and you wouldn’t want to go jeopardize that by breaking the biggest rule of the party now would you?

Another host who deserves a big nod is the one who runs a safe sex party at Paddles every Wednesday night. His previous party HARDDRIVE has given way to HANDSOMENYC.COM, but no matter what the party name, he has always had an element of public health awareness tied in with his parties and usually has someone on hand to do free rapid testing right then and there. So you can go in, get tested, grab some condoms and have some fun with some hot guys while you are at it. Of if you just want to go in to get tested, you don't even have to pay to get in and do so. 

Possibly the hosts with the most aggressive stance on keeping their parties safe is the couple who currently run four monthly safe sex parties which include ASS ACTION FUCK CLUB, BEEF, MEN’S DEN and THRUST.  Despite their strict safe sex policies, their parties are known for being social, playful, and full of lots of hot sex. In addition to requiring condoms when fucking, one of the things that sets their parties apart from others is the way in which they run them as members-only “clubs” where one of the conditions of being a member is that you agree to get screened every three months for STDs. They also have a partnership with APICHA Community Health Center which provides free testing to their members.  It’s an unconventional approach and some may argue an unenforceable one as well since testing is usually anonymous. I’ve also heard some guys at other parties say that they feel like it’s a bit much for them to be asking for their members to be tested that regularly. The way I see it is, if you are attending sex parties and having sex with dozens of men at a time on a regular basis, you should be getting tested every three months anyway. Having an easy, free way to do that (and a reminder and further motivation to do it) is something I consider helpful, not a hindrance.  And being in a party filled with men who have willingly joined a group with these guidelines make me feel more relaxed and confident about fucking around with them. Which leads to a lot more sex.  And even though there’s always the possibility some members may not be honest about getting tested every three months, I feel that even if only half of them do, it is still lowering everyone’s risk of exposure.  Whether everyone at the party is indeed getting tested or not, there is, like Private Party, a sense of belonging to an exclusive group of guys who are interested in safety, staying healthy, and who actually respect the rules and play safe, And I believe that is a big reason why the guys at these parties (myself included) feel so at ease and so free to fuck with abandon.

I support everyone’s right to make the choices they are comfortable with and for that reason I will continue to list all parties whose hosts wish for them to be listed whether they are safe or not. I would like this blog to be a place where all guys interested in man-on-man group sex can come to find the party that is right for them, including those who prefer to bareback. But I would like to encourage everyone, especially those who are new to the scene, to check out the safe sex parties and see how much hotter these parties can be (and how much more sex there is). Perhaps it is just my own personal bias, but when there are now multiple struggling non-safe parties merging together into one party just to try to get a full room of guys, while at the same time safe sex parties continue to bring in a hundred plus guys (Private Party) or have weeks-long waiting lists to get in (Ass Action, BEEF, Men’s Den), it seems I must not be the only one who thinks that these safe-sex parties are a helluva lot of fun.

Here are the parties happening over the next seven days that I know of where you can have a “reliably safe” and very hot time at…

THIS WEDNESDAY, APRIL 4/23

PRIVATE PARTY (Garment District, Manhattan) The biggest and (as far as I know) longest running safe sex party is still one of the best. Lots of sex, lots of hot friendly guys. What’s not to love?  A great social sex party with a good mix of twinks to muscle dudes to toned average guys. This is also a great party to try if you've never been to a party before: social, safe, and a clean atmosphere, no attitude. This week is the "Naked Rite of Spring Pt. 2" party continuing the popular all-nude theme the party has had of late.

RATING: Very Selective

VIBE: Very social, not much attitude

TIME: 8:30pm-11:30pm

CROWD: 80-100 guys

AGE: good mix of 20-30-40YOs (no one over 45).

DONATION: $25 + $1 clothes check

SPACE: large private loft apt

SS/BB: A safe sex only party. 

SUPPLIES:  Drinks, snacks, condoms/lube, shower, towels

FREQUENCY: Once a month, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, sometimes Sundays

LIGHTING: Excellent (light enough to see, not too much light for shy men)

GETTING IN: The host requires a short phone interview, and a quick in-person interview right before the party.  People write to ASG that this pisses them off. Seriously: It's easy: one quick phone call (where the host explains the party).  Don’t let this stop you; it’s how he maintains a hot, no attitude crowd.  Send request (no pics required) to PRIVATE.PARTY@msn.com.

ALSO ON WEDNESDAY, APRIL 23rd

HANDSOMENYC.com (Chelsea) This party replaces Hard Drive on Wednesdays. From the host: "This party caters to an upscale clientele, creative types and professional men with a sense of humor.  This is the party for the sexy "guy next door" with a dirty mind. If you feel you don't fit into absolute sleaze and have tried the events where you run home to take a "silkwood" shower, this is the party for you.  Handsome good guys and a sense of  community as well as our FREE STD testing and FREE health services available to all regardless if you pay to get in or not. Guest appearances by porn stars, fantasy dress up, as well as fun giveaways (underwear and porn), and great promotions to pull in hotter guys."

RATING: Somewhat Selective

VIBE: No attitude, extremely friendly a must

TIME:  Doors 8pm-1am, open until 3am.

CROWD: Get 30-60 guys height/weight proportionate (all body types)

AGES: 25 to 55YO

DONATION: 8pm-22 bucks. After 9pm-27 bucks- Special VIP card for cheap entry 

SS/BB: Safe sex and BB

SPACE: Paddles Play Space

SUPPLIES: condom/lube

FREQUENCY:  Every Wednesday

LIGHTING: Good

GETTING IN: send pics and stats to hunteur1@gmail.com or check out http://www.HandsomeNYC.com

ON FRIDAY, APRIL 25th

BEEF (Washington Heights) I love playing with the big bearish men so when the Ass Action and Men's Den hosts started a safe sex bear party, I just had to be there. After a somewhat rough start and the addition of red lighting, sexy music and a foggy atmosphere to bring those shyer bears and cubs out of hibernation, the party is now a full on safe sex fuckfest for bears, cubs, chubs, otters, and the guys who love to fuck around with them. If you like bears and you like safe-sex, this is the party for you.

RATING: Not Selective

VIBE: no attitude

TIME: 8pm-Midnight. Door closes at 11pm.

CROWD: 20-30 guys

AGE: 21 to 50s

DONATION: $10 before 9pm, $20 after

SS/BB: A safe-sex party

SPACE: Private Apartment

SUPPLIES: Condoms, lube, snacks, beverages, towel

FREQUENCY: Once a month on a Friday

LIGHTING: Good

GETTING IN: You need to be a member of BEEF in order to attend. There currently is about a three week wait-list for a membership. To be considered, send stats and a face pic to beefpartynyc@gmail.com

ON SUNDAY, APRIL 27th

ASS ACTION FUCK CLUB (Washington Heights) A fraternity-styled club exclusively for guys with athletic bodies and friendly personalities. The hosts have recently taken the party back to its roots as a more intimate gathering (its usually around 15 guys and never more than 20) to encourage more group interaction and to make the party more selective. The result? Well let’s just say the party really lives up to it’s name. Hot athletic guys + friendly no-attitude vibe + bowls of condoms everywhere (including Magnums for the big boys) + bottles of Gun Oil lube …you do the math.

RATING: Very Selective

VIBE: Friendly and social with no attitude

TIME: 5pm to 9pm, must arrive by 6pm

CROWD: Guest list is limited to 20. Racially mixed, above average to very hot

AGES: 21 to 40s

DONATION: $20

SS/BB: A safe-sex only party

SPACE: Private apartment

SUPPLIES: Condoms, lube, snacks, sodas, shower and towel

FREQUENCY: Once a month on a Sunday

LIGHTING: Good

GETTING IN: Due to limited space on the membership list, the hosts are currently only considering guys with above-average athletic or muscular bodies for membership. You can send stats and pics to heightshost@gmail.com and find more information at assactionnyc.com

And Beyond this week, here are a few other hot and safe parties to check out...

ON SATURDAY, MAY 3rd

THE MEATPACKERS (Brooklyn/Park Slope) I've never actually attended this party but I've heard nothing but good things about it so it’s definitely on my bucket list. I also actually know a couple of guys who were banned from the party because they tried to bareback so I know these guys are kick-ass when it comes to enforcing their safe sex rules. 

RATING: Open Door

VIBE: No attitude

TIME:  12am-5am

CROWD: 100 men

AGE: 18-40s

DONATION: $20

SS/BB:  Safe sex only (very strict)

SPACE: In cellar with cages and rooms.

SUPPLIES: condoms/lube

FREQUENCY:  Held the 1st Saturday of each month

LIGHTING: Good

GETTING IN: Must call: 212-677-3599 (call the number for info--you'll get an answering machine)  

ON SUNDAY, MAY 4th

MEN'S DEN (Washington Heights) Men’s Den is a “members-only” club that hosts safe-sex parties for attractive men of all races ages 21 to 40s. It is held in a private apartment with comfortable couches and a bed to play on and attracts a hot varied crowd of guys with different body types from athletic and muscular to average and sometimes a few stocky guys as well. The party is relatively new (it’s only about four months old) and it has already grown to be one of the more popular of the “somewhat selective” parties in the city.  It's got an intimate, relaxed, social vibe that seems to put everyone at ease and leads to a lot of hot sex.

RATING: Somewhat Selective

VIBE: no attitude

TIME: 5pm-9pm, door closes at 8pm. 

CROWD: 20-30 guys

AGE: 21 to 40s

DONATION: $10 before 6pm, $20 after

SS/BB: A safe sex only party

SPACE: Private Apartment

SUPPLIES: Condoms, lube, snacks, beverages

FREQUENCY: Once a month on a Sunday

LIGHTING: Good

GETTING IN: You need to be a Men’s Den Member in order to attend. There currently is about a two-week wait-list for a membership. To be considered, send stats and pics to mensdennyc@gmail.com

Know of any other safe sex party that truly lives up to that title?  Tell me all about it at adventuresgrsx@gmail.com

Have a safe and sex-filled week.