The Past, Present, and Future of Adventures in Group Sex

Hello Gents, I hope you all had a great Black Party weekend! I trust that many of you are now recovering from a marathon of delicious debauchery as well you should be. It seems like only the day before yesterday when I was writing about the Black Party in one of my first entries in this space – was that really over a year ago? Where does the time go?

Long time readers of this blog may have noticed a reoccurring pattern regarding the contributors to this blog over the years. Usually around this time each year the blogger announces that he is passing the torch on to a new blogger who then takes over full of energy, enthusiasm and ideas for what direction he wants to take the blog in, and then a year later that blogger in turn finds himself exhausted and ready to pass the blog on to a new person having not found the time to do any of the things that he wanted to. There is a reason why this pattern keeps happening and that is that just the job of putting together the listings themselves on a weekly basis is a much bigger challenge and more time consuming then I think people imagine. It certainly is more so than I ever imagined before I actually started doing them myself. And it ends up taking up so much time and energy that it leaves one with little time to do the things they enjoy doing, including writing actual blog entries and attending parties. And after a year of that, any sane individual would be looking for someone else to take on the task so that he could get his life back.

However I, as I’m sure my friends will be happy to tell you, am far from “sane,” and have been known to be driven on more than one occasion by my passions and obsessions. And as the Winter weather freed up my social schedule somewhat in the past few months and I found a smidgen of extra time on my hands, my obsession as of late has been to finally do some of the things with the blog that I wanted to do from the beginning, so I have started to revisit my original intentions.

The first goal that I tried to tackle (and to be honest, I believe I have failed miserably at) was to make the blog a more accurate place for information. I tried to do this by initially sending out an email to all the hosts outlining a revised listings format and requesting that they submit me their information in that format each time that they had a party. The benefits to this, I thought, would be that the information in the listings would always be the most up-to-date information directly from the host, and since I would be receiving it in a standard format, I would be able to simply copy and paste the information into the listings each week and would therefore have time to get to the other things I wanted to do with the blog. As an incentive to get the hosts to take the time to submit me their info in the requested format, I stated that going forward I would only list the parties that were submitted to me in that format.

What I failed to realize, however, was that many hosts didn’t even want their parties listed on the blog in the first place and that their parties had, in fact, been listed against their will for quite some time. Therefore they were more than happy to have their parties dropped from the listings. In addition, many of those that did want their parties listed apparently didn’t want them listed enough to take the time to submit their information to me in the format requested. I was a bit surprised that so many party hosts were unable to take a few minutes to do this for what was essentially free advertising for them.

I also got some rather passionate emails from a few readers and even one of the previous AiGS bloggers protesting the new policy.  The common theme of these emails was that this blog existed and was most useful first and foremost as a comprehensive weekly list of all the sex party options that there are in NYC, regardless of whether they wished to be listed or not. That is what the blog started out being for and what the readers continued to rely on it to be. So although accuracy of the details is, of course, something to aim for, it is more important to readers that I let them know of all the parties that exist and how they can reach out to the hosts themselves to verify the details. I took all this to heart, realized the error of my ways and quickly changed the policy back to the way it was with the only remaining relic being an extra line added to each listing to let readers know if the information was verified or not, meaning if the information had come directly to me from the host, or if I had received it “second hand” and it needed to be verified by the interested party directly with the host.

But now I found myself in the same situation as those who came before me in spending countless hours each week cobbling together information coming in from all different places, all different people and in all different formats. I was finding over time that trying to keep the list thorough and accurate was a bit of a fool’s errand, at least for anyone who also had to take the time to hold down a full time job as well. As the emails continued to mount with constant changes to scheduled dates, times, or the roster of parties themselves, I found myself simply unable to keep up with it all, and therefore there was quite a bit of out-of-date information being carried over on the blog from week to week, and for that I apologize to those who may have been inconvenienced. There were times when even hosts had emailed me asking to correct out-of-date information, it would get lost in the flood of emails in my inbox and I would usually not see it until it was too late. “Oh,” I would think to myself, “if only there were some way that hosts could go in and make changes and corrections themselves and not have to rely on me to get to their email and do it.” But I’m getting ahead of myself. Suffice it to say that I’ve been very much aware that this was an area that I definitely still needed to find a better solution for.

Another goal I had always had for the blog was in the spirit of what those who had emailed me were rallying for, which was to make it a more comprehensive and inclusive listing of all sex parties that may be of interest to gay men. Not just the “big” ones, but also those that may have so far passed under the AiGS radar. I wanted to seek out and start including more parties from the “edge” such as fisting, watersports, “raw” and other fetishes, as well as parties for bi-sexuals, TV’s, TS’s and CD’s. And you may have noticed a move toward including a wider selection of parties as of late.

I also wanted to start including more parties in nearby areas such as Long Island, New Jersey, DC and Philadelphia, and possibly even eventually expanding the blog to regularly include other major gay metro areas such as L.A, San Francisco, Miami/Ft. Lauderdale, even perhaps London and Toronto. (I can’t even being to tell you how many emails I get each week asking me if I know of any blogs like this for one for those cities, and honestly I don’t believe any exist as of yet.)

But perhaps the idea that has been nearest and dearest to my heart was that I’ve always wanted to make this blog a place where all of us in the gay group sex community could share our experiences so that we could help each other find the parties we would most likely enjoy based on our own individual tastes as opposed to the opinion and tastes of only one or two people (like myself for instance). I envisioned AiGS becoming sort of a Yelp for sex parties. A place where the readers were encouraged to share with the collective details that they observed at parties that they attended so that each of you could then have a more informed idea as to which parties might be the right ones for you. And now that I was finding some extra time on my hands in the mists of being snowed in stormy weekend after stormy weekend, I had been able to concentrate on developing this idea and was in the process of implementing it.

The plan was to return somewhat to a format very similar to the one Evan, the founder of this blog started off with over six years ago by posting an entry for each individual party one by one. The entry would have all the information the current listing for the party has now and since each one would be posted individually, each party would have its own page dedicated only to that party. This means that the listings could be more streamlined with links to the individual pages that one could click on to get the most updated information on an individual party, but more than that, the page would always be easily assessable for anyone to leave reviews on (via the comments) or read a history of reviews on. Furthermore, it would make it easier for me to update the information on the party in one place once I received the information instead of trying to keep track of what party is making what change on which week and having to remember to make that change for that week when I’m doing that particular week’s listing. (Did that sentence just confuse you? Trust me when I say it’s even more confusing when you are trying to do it.) For me, it would mean less time having to be spent putting the list together and more time to actually blog. For you the readers, it would mean a permanent web address for each party where you could go for the most up-to-date information without having to wait for the weekly listing to come out, as well as read reviews of the party and perhaps even leave your own. My plan was to announce the new system and then start posting the separate party entries at the beginning of March.

And then I received a letter from Blogger. It wasn’t just for me, actually, it was to everyone who has a blog on Blogger with “adult” visual content. In essence, the email was to inform those of us that have such content on our blog that Google (who now owns Blogger) was no longer going to allow such content in public blogs and that we had one month (the deadline being tomorrow, Monday, March 23^rd) to remove such content or the blog would be “locked” so that it would no longer be accessible to the public.

Once I got over my initial sense of disbelief, I started to think of where AiGS’s new home could be. I looked into a few options but I kept going back to my initial instinct which was that perhaps it would be best if AiGS were hosted independently on its own site where I would not have to worry about the changing corporate censorship whims of the likes of Google. I also thought giving AiGS its own site might be an opportunity to design something that was more suitable to the Yelp-ish idea I was trying to implement. The only problem was I didn’t have either the available finances to host a website month after month, or the know-how to put one together, so I shot off an email to the guys who host the Ass Action parties to see if they had any advice on free hosting or free website design. They had recently launched a somewhat elaborate social network for their MEN'S DEN members a few months earlier so I thought they might be able to point me in the right direction. I shared with them my “Yelp for sex parties” idea and described what all I wanted to do on the site and asked if they could give me some advice on free hosting and website design. Instead of just advice, they volunteered to host it on their server and said they would be willing to put together a quick website for me to host the blog and listings on to keep them going. This set off a flurry of emails back and forth where we discussed what the site could look like and what all it would be able to do, and I must say that I became very excited at the possibilities.

 

The way it would work is very much like the “Yelp for sex parties” I had originally imagined. In addition to hosting my blog, it would be a listings site where every party would have its own page where party-goers could go for the most updated information and leave comments and reviews. Parties would be able to be posted by anyone who came across the information, and if a host were to find his party already posted there by someone else, he couldn’t have it taken down, but he could claim the listing as his own so he would have access to regularly go in and update the information, or even state that the party no longer exists if that is that case. Hosts would not be able to delete comments or reviews, but they would be able to respond to them on the page if they so wished.

One of the best things about the site would be that the weekly listing on the home page would be compiled of information from the individual pages that would automatically update when the details on the pages are changed by a host or admin, so the listings would always have the most recently inputted information. I must admit the idea of having the listings put together for me automatically on a weekly basis was a very intriguing idea indeed. Finally I could spend less time compiling and more time blogging and doing what I haven’t had time to do since I started doing the listings, namely attending more parties! So needless to say I was very excited by the possibilities. I gave the guys the go-ahead and they went to work with an eye on getting the site up and running by Google’s deadline of Monday, March 23^rd (less than four weeks off at that point) while I got to work on writing content and trying to figure out the best way to preserve the existing blog before the Google deadline.

One of my main concerns at that point was to find a way to archive all the past posts so that the original entries from Evan, Mickey, Jack, and myself would be preserved, so my first steps were to create a wordpress site and export all of the past posts over to that as well. So now we can all rest assured that there is an archive of all past blog entries (with all “adult” content i.e. photos intact) that cannot be touched or censored by Google (well, as long as wordpress isn’t controlled by Google I suppose). So that put me more at ease.

And then with all this in motion and the clock ticking toward our deadline, Blogger sent out another email with an “Update” to their previous email. Apparently there was quite the uproar over their new content policy and so Google decided not to change their policy after all and will continue to let bloggers post adult content to public sites (at least for now). My reaction to the email was mixed. I must say I was a bit irritated that I had been sent jumping through hoops for no reason, but I was happy to hear that the blog would (at least for now) be able to remain intact where it has been all these years. On the other hand, there had already been a good amount of time, energy and expense put into a site that was coming along very nicely and that I was quite excited about. So there were a few conversations about what to do at this point and I decided that the benefits of hosting the listings on their own site specifically designed for them were too great, not only to myself, but to all the party hosts and to you, the party-goers as well to not go ahead with it. So I made the decision to keep the AiGS blog here at Blogger (while continuing to archive future posts at the wordpress site just in case Google changes its mind again) where I will continue to blog about the going-ons in the world of NYC sex parties, while the weekly listings will now be hosted in a much more user-friendly fashion on the new site.

In addition to giving you all more tools and information to base your party-going decisions on, the new site will also address a large variety of other requests I get on a daily basis. About 95% of the emails that I get each week (other than party invites) are some variation of one of the following: 

 “Hi Adrian, I’m coming to NYC on (dates one-or-two months from now). Can you tell me what parties are going on during those dates?”

The new site has a calendar on it you can use where you can click on a date to see what parties are scheduled for that day, even if that day is well into the future. Just keep in mind that the schedules of sex parties can always be subject to change, but it should at least give those future visitors among you a good enough idea to do your initial NYC Sexcapade planning.

“Hi Adrian, I’m a 23 year old guy only into other in-shape twinks around my age and I only play safe. What parties would you recommend me?”

You will now be able to search specifically for parties base on everything from age range to body type to how selective they are to whether they are safe or not and many other factors to help weed through the masses and find the parties that are most to your liking.

 “Hi Adrian, love your blog. Do you know if there is anything like this for parties in…. (fill in the blank: LA, San Fran, Florida, D.C, Toronto, London, etc.)”

Now the weekly listings will no longer be limited to the NYC area. Guys will be able to post parties and search for them no matter where they take place in the country, or even the world. And you will be able to use a map-based location search to see which parties are nearest you.

“Hi Adrian, can you list our party coming up this Thursday? Here is the info…”

This would typically be an email that would be sent to me three days before a party when the listing for that day has already gone up four days prior. And I typically wouldn’t see this email until the party date had already passed. The new site allows anyone to post a party at any time – just days or even hours before, and it will show up on the listings for that day without having to rely on me checking my inbox and adding their party to the listings in time. Hosts will now be able to just add them themselves.

“Hi Adrian, I’m the host of so-and-so party and the information for tomorrow’s party is wrong. Can you change it to…”

Again, by the time I would see these emails it would usually be too late for me to do anything about it. Now the hosts will be able to go onto their party page and update their info at any time (providing they have already "claimed ownership" of the listing) and it will automatically be updated in the weekly listing on the home page.

“Hi Adrian, do you have an email list that you automatically send the weekly listings out to?”

Not yet, but that will be possible to do with this site and the guys have it on their “To Do” list, so hopefully you will be able to sign up for such an email list in the next few months.

In addition to the listings, there will also be an area where anyone can post a blog entry, whether you’re a fellow party-goers who would like to blog about your own “adventures” or a party host who would like to let everyone know the latest news regarding your parties, so I encourage you all to take advantage of that, both party-goers and hosts alike.

There will also be a photo feed for you all to view and share your favorite group sex photos and a forum where you can ask for or share advice or thoughts on all things group sex.

One of the good things about Google backing down from their policy change was that it allowed us more time to get the site ready because, quite frankly, I seriously doubt it would have been in an acceptable presentable shape by tomorrow if the deadline was still on. I am being told, however, that everything should be in working order (or mostly in working order as they work all the buggaboos out) by the time the listings are scheduled to go up this Thursday, so I am hoping that the currently posted listings will be the last ones in the old form and you will be able to find the listing on the new site this Thursday. If all goes well, I’ll post an entry here on Thursday letting you know where you can find the listings from now on. If all does not go well, I’ll post the traditional “static” listings for the coming week and we will shoot for the following Thursday instead. But let’s hope all goes well and you all will be surfing through a new site of listings this Thursday.

I look forward to hearing from you all what you think of it.

Until then, have fun at the parties and be careful out there!